His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
