I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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