So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
