she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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