all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize