I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
