We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
high people should be assigned attendants
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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