Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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