you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he laminated a picture of his dick.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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