not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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