Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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