I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize