I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
