her vagine was all disorganized.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have aggressive nipples.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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