dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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