I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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