I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
