Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
