i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
