Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
