i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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