So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
