What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
