I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
