Cold hands, warm shart.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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