Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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