That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
