I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My dick has a subreddit
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
