it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
