I could make wine with my vomit
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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