So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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