Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
