You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
