As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She even gives head with a lisp.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize