Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
