Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
