dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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