1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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