FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
