She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
