Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
