But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
