dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
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I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
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Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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