I need to stop coming to work sober
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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