Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
