He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you never un-have a 4some
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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