You smell like a Billy Joel song
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
