I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
