brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
