Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
