I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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