you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
