I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
