i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I love you. Go after that dick
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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