You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
