The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
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Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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