I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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