When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
