wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
