so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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