I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
