Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
