When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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