I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
