This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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