I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize