Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
