he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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