Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
