I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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