You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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