Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
