My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Im part way to drunk.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
