Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
