You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
