That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
