I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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