we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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