I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
